On My 15th Wedding Anniversary: The Five Things I Know

Fifteen years ago today I peeked around the corner to catch a glimpse of him. After catching my breath, I held my brother’s arm and walked down the aisle to marry him. That day, I was never more sure of where I was suppose to be, right there with him at 6pm, with the sun heading down in that September sky. We stood and faced each other and vowed to love and cherish, and I promised to be his biggest cheerleader and to not make us eat cereal every night. 

Most of all that happened.

After fifteen years, it’s unreal to think about all that takes place in a life with another person by your side. Marriage is an incredible concept, with God creating a space for two to be fully alive as individuals, yet living together as one. I can’t even try to explain the mystery of that. But it’s so amazing when it works.

Life in marriage is complex, and woven together with so many crazy-hard days. And then you throw a few kids in there and it’s all up for grabs. 

Fifteen years is surreal to me. For one, it’s longer than that whole span between your first day of kindergarten and your last day of high school. That took forever as a kid. 

Secondly, I’ve now been married longer than my parents. My mom and dad were divorced in year fourteen, when I was 11 years old. That’s not to disparage my parents, there were plenty of reasons and life and pain that brought about that decision, but to be here now, as an “adult” and take in the reality of all that is a lot.

What keeps two people, who are so incredibly different…together?

So many (many) great and amazing things have been written about marriage, but after fifteen years, here’s five things I know:

1. Prayer absolutely matters. 
When you are with someone every single day, you know it all. You have the inside story on everything in his life. You know his weaknesses, what defeats him, and all that makes you absolutely crazy. Our temptation as women is to try and “fix him”, or let him know just how much better we could do it. Playing the Holy Spirit can be a fun little game until we realize we’re actually not the Holy Spirit. I’ve learned (the hard way) that prayer is so much better/richer than my best attempts to solve any issue in my marriage. Pray for your man.

2. Grace and Forgiveness must be our greatest extravagance.
I LOVE this quote by Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers”. Marriage can bring out the crazy in anyone. There’ve been moments when I’ve been so mad that all I could get out was this: “you are not my favorite person right now”. However, there is no way my marriage survives if grace and forgiveness isn’t poured out in buckets. Every.single.time. Letting stuff go and choosing to forgive frees up so much emotional space in my life, and reaffirms my own desperate need for the grace of God. Pick your battles, offer grace upon grace, and forgive.

3. Breakfast for dinner is always a win. Always.
I don’t entirely understand how a girl who doesn’t really like to cook landed in a life with six people that require dinner every night. But there’s something amazing about pancakes and eggs for supper, and it makes everyone happy every time. It’s fast and cheap, plus syrup for dinner? Seriously, it’s just goodness in a bottle. Related: Cereal totally gets a pass here. 

4. Hiking covers a multitude of crazy.
Sometimes you just need a change of scenery. There was a day last winter where we both knew that if we stayed in the house one more minute, we might just lose our minds. Instead we found a trailhead and hiked it out. While not one single circumstance changed while we were out there, that hike settled our souls. Maybe your area of the world doesn’t have great hiking, but find a park, or a lake, or a long country road. Change the temperature in the air and get out of your four walls. 

5. God’s Voice has to be louder than all the rest.
Everyone around us has an opinion. Friends, family members, our culture, they’ve all got great ideas about how I should be living my life. I’ve had people around me, knowing or unknowingly, speak against my marriage. Bottom Line: I have to intentionally make space in my life to hear God’s voice.  Whether it’s through reading His Word, extended times in prayer, or seeking godly counsel, I have got to make space in my life to hear from Him. At the end of the day, He is our wisdom, our peace, and the creator of this whole thing called marriage. He has good things to say. Make space to hear from Him. 

What have you learned about your own marriage? What are the things that you know? We’d love to hear from you!

Wanna hear more? Julie’s talking about all this over at Life with Lisa Williams!