An Untangled Summer ~ Welcome to Week One

Welcome to An Untangled Summer!

I’m so grateful you are here, so many of you from so many different places! I wish so much we could take just a minute to look around and say a collective hello, but as you sit with your coffee on that side, I’ll grab some over here as well…THANK YOU for being here! 

Last winter, my good friend, Carey Scott, and I were having dinner. She was in the middle of working through the final details of her book Untangled, and I asked her if she would want to join forces and do a summer study together. She agreed – thank you! – and we began to lay the ground work of what the summer would look like. 

As I’ve been seeking God about what to say on this whole thing, I can honestly say that I have never prayed more or felt a stronger burden for a summer series. This is now my 5th summer study, and I’ve felt very compelled and humbled to write each and every one… but this one is different. This series has a weight to it that I feel to my core. Maybe it’s because it’s been in the works for so long, maybe because I’m writing it with Carey and I want to honor her and all she has authored and selflessly poured out for her book…but more than anything, I think the reason?

You.

For the past couple weeks we’ve started a Facebook community where we’ve begun to discuss this idea of being all tangled up. SO MANY OF YOU HAVE SHARED HONESTLY FROM YOUR HEART, and I’ve been blown away. You have been so real, so open about your tangles. And there is this sense of hunger and desperation that I ABSOLUTELY FEEL… and absolutely love.

Because it’s right there, in the midst of our hunger and desperation, that God can absolutely move among us.

Before we dive into all of this, I want to take just a second to go over the format for the next four weeks, along with some great resources that will be available to you throughout this entire study.

TOPICS:  We will be diving into four areas we typically get tangled up as women: shame, fear, worthlessness and unforgiveness.

STUDY:  On Tuesdays and Thursday, we will have studies written right here about that week’s tangle. Each one will be a mix of me and Carey, along with excepts from her incredible book, Untangled. To receive each of these directly into your inbox, you can simply SUBSCRIBE by entering your email (to the right/laptop, below/mobile device).

PODCAST:  On Tuesdays, Carey and I will be guests on Life with Lisa Williams. Our good friend, Lisa Williams (former morning show host of K-LOVE), has a daily radio show, and she has graciously agreed to host Carey and I for the next four weeks, giving all of us a chance to talk more about it.

FACEBOOK COMMUNITY:  We have created a place for you to engage and encourage one another on our Untangled Women Facebook Page. Join us here at our virtual coffee shop where together we can share our untangling journey. There is something so powerful in sharing your story and hearing from others, knowing that you are not alone.

 Let me say that again… you are not alone. Let’s do this, together.

You know the word, you’ve heard it all your life and lived in it through phrases maybe said by your grandmother, like “shame on you” or “have you no shame?”.

Shame.

It’s often connected with the word guilt, another word with a lot of weight. As Carey says, shame is a five-letter word that kinda feels more like a four-letter word.

For many of us, however, it’s more than just simply a word. Shame is filled up with vivid memories and emotions, painfully wrapped up in remorse and regret. We’d give anything to hit the “undo” button or just blink and go back in time and make it all different. 

But because we can’t go back, shame sits on us. Like a heavy blanket, shame covers us, often times for years. So much so that it becomes a part of us, an unwelcome friend that we’ve allowed to stay, to sit in the corner of our life and hurl insults, while casting an ever widening shadows over our heart.

We spend our days allowing that unwelcome shadow to keep us from the future God has for us.

I do this.

I stay in the hurt from painful decisions and feel deep regret. Sometimes that pain takes up a megaphone, and I listen, as it bellows the details of all happened, all that was so incredibly wrong. Other days I stuff it all into a box and shove it into a closet, turning my head, attempting to walk another direction so I can hide for a while. But it stays.

Why do I do that?

Why do we do that, let shame stay on us?

There’s so many valid reasons, all different for each of us, yet very real.

What happened hurt so deeply.
The aftermath affected so many people.
I had the power to make things go differently, but I chose this.
I actually had no choice and someone else’s decisions affected my entire life.

It all hurts, and it nags, and it seeps life from our soul, until the shadow is long and the weight of the blanket so heavy it takes away our ability to breathe deeply and divinely.

Where is HOPE? Where…where is the hope of Jesus in all of this? If the pain is that real, yet the suffering so long, where is that hope? Because if we are indeed Jesus followers, there must be something out there somewhere, a different voice that tells us we don’t have to go our entire lives living this way.

Today, I want to tell you this…you don’t have to go your entire life living this way.

You do not have to live with that familiar unwelcome friend in the corner. 

Do you believe that? And if so, would you be willing to be selfish with your soul?

For the next four weeks, I want you to take time to fight for your freedom. Every week throughout our study, Carey and I will offer suggestions on how we can take the next steps and get untangled. Depending on your season of life, and the amount of time you have, you can do any or all of what’s suggested. But let’s do this.

Decide that this is the season that you are going to allow God to untangle you from the lies that the enemy has wrapped around you for so long, lies to keep you bound, and allow Him to speak to you and set you FREE.

SHAME: NEXT STEPS

1. Take Intentional Time in God’s Word.
This will be standard in our study, as He has a perfect record with me on this one. Every-single-time in my life when I’ve sought His Words for life and healing, He has met me there. His Word is such a gift, God Himself has poured out His words for us, to hear from Him, to know His heart. So often though, we take a ‘light’ approach to it, or we hear our culture claim that the Bible is ‘no longer relevant’. I wish I could convey how very relevant His Word has been in my life. But please do not take my word for it. Take time in these verses, and ask God to speak to your own heart in a very real and personal way:

Psalm 34:4-5 
I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me.
    He freed me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy;
    no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

Sit in that last phrase – no shadow. By looking to Him, by turning your eyes to Jesus…by opening your heart to admit your hurt, through pouring out to Him every.last.thing, all the fear and worry from the whole thing…by looking to Him, He will hear you, and He alone can replace your shame with joy. What a complete contradiction joy is to shame. Radiant with joy…yes to all of that.

John 8:1-11
Read through this story of the woman caught in adultery. For some, this is a new story, for others, it’s very familiar. The other morning I was “sitting” with God about some deep shame I’ve carried for years about past decisions, so tangled up in deep regret. As I sat and began to bring all this to Him, He reminded me of this story. So often when this story is told, the focus is when Jesus says, “neither do I condemn you”. Instead, I felt like the Lord was asking me to back up and look at His initial words to her. He reminded me of the words He spoke to her first, which were these: “Where are your accusers?”

Can’t you picture the scene? Jesus has just decidedly dismissed everyone around her, and there’s a moment when the crowd clears, and it’s just her and Jesus. What must she have felt, the fear, the embarrassment, so completely exposed. She looks to this man, who with all authority, has completely changed everything. And as she looks up, He is looking directly at her…with love…with forgiveness and grace. And He simply asks, “Where are your accusers?”

Who is accusing you, Julie? My answer was simple: me.

I have been my biggest accuser in my life. I have the ability to keep myself locked in shame, allowing the accusations to fly, telling myself how awful I am or how much I messed up. Have I made mistakes? Of course. We’re all guilty of that. But, as Carey has said so poignantly, “Guilt is feeling bad about something you’ve done. Shame is feeling bad about who you are.”

God is not sitting in the high heavens accusing you, working to convince you that you are the bad that you feel. His eyes are still filled with forgiveness and grace, and He loves you… more than you can imagine.

2. Write It Down.
After spending time in His Word, write down a truth that you can lock onto. Maybe it’s one we’ve mentioned, maybe it’s one you find. Again, don’t take my word on it, look for yourself, fight for your freedom! Here’s a great website for researching what God’s word has to say about shame: www.openbible.info/topics. Then, find a notecard, write it down and put it up where you can see it, absorb it, and take it in.

3. Tune into Life with Lisa Williams for More with Carey and Me. 
It’s one thing to read all this in black and white, sometimes it just helps to hear it “live”. We will be there each Tuesday for the next four weeks.

4. Join Us In Community.
We will be over on our Untangled Women Facebook Page today, asking questions and encouraging you to believe God for all that He is on this topic of shame. Please join us, we would love to hear from you.

Girlfriend, you are not alone. You are loved and you are prayed for by so many of us who are fighting with you to be untangled, maybe for the first time.  I’m beyond grateful that you’re here. See you Thursday.